shit im so bitter today,....

"mapait ang ulan"

"mapait ang ulan"

naliligo ako sa ulan
upang mapuno ng tubig ang aking damit
at lalo pa itong yumapos sa aking katawan
dito ay mababasa ang aking buhok
at dahan dahang gagapang ang tubig sa aking mukha
tatahakin nito ang aking pilikmata, babagtasin ang pisngi
sabay magbababad sa aking labi -- mapait pala ang ulan

tumitingala ako
para mamasdan ang maiitim na ulap
hitik na pala sa anino at ingay ang paligid
kaya ipinipikit ko ang aking mga mata
upang mas namnamin ang pait
na humihilamos sa aking mukha

ako'y naligo sa ulan
maya maya'y pipigain ko na ang hinagpis na kumapit sa aking damit
huhugasan ang aking buhok ng nakakasunog na kemikal
at kikiskisin ng mabahong sabon ang aking katawan
pupunasan ko na rin ang aking balat at magpapalit ng damit
ramdam ko pa rin ang nanyaring paggapang sa aking mukha,
pagbagtas sa pisngi, pagbababad sa labi

muli akong maliligo sa ulan
pikit ang mata
yakap ang pait

the secret of summer's 23rd

this is for rodine cagampan


we descend unt this chamber
away from the sun
as we did on summer's 23rd
arms locked, gasping for breath

we accuse ourselves
of shaping our own pain
trying to chisel away the marks
left by our lips
the sun could not burn away
the stencils of the skin

and as the glamour spell reaches
its peak and whizzes out
the door, left ajar by the oglers
shall we seek redemption once more?

to engage once again in this hopeless dance
and renew the marks left by our lips
descending away from the sun
and again shape our own pain
as we did on summer's 23rd
arms locked, gasping for breath

inipong lagablab

this is for mhlq rodine cagampan


isang lawa ng apoy ang umagos sa aking likuran
naglalagablab, napakainit
ramdam ko ang pagkatuklap ng aking balat
at pagkaluto ng aking laman
na tumagos hangang buto
at tinupok ang aking kaluluwa
inalay mo sakin ang pinakamalayong bituin
taglay ang init na lulusaw sa pinakamatibay na kalasag
o kahit pa sa napakatigas na bato
iyong nilunod ang pighati sa lumalagitik na apoy
hangang sa itoy naging kulay pulang usok na lang

inaako ko ang lahat ng abo
pati na rin ang mga bagay na hindi pa tuluyang natutupok
masunog man itong mga daliri
maging sariling libingan man ang lagablab

akin na ring aangkinin ang apoy
ang uling at ang mga nagbabagang bato
ang pighati, kalungkutan, ulap, araw
luha, dugo, puso
ito'y aangkinin kong lahat
ito'y aangkinin kong lahat
hangang sa ako'y maging kulay pulang usok na lang
mula sa isang lawa ng apoy
na nangaling sa iyong mga mata

Writer's redemption

melancholy on the wall
cast by the muted shadows
your soul is shapeless
recalling exestence
hungry for defeat
in the candlelight luster of burnt metaphors
vision is reinvented, a bleeding butterfly
flutters and is decanted in the corners
the moan of a thousand violins gauzes the air
you listen yet you fail.
conjuring the inimagined
seeking to hear the voices of poe, homer and joaquin
deafening prose and history, leaving marks
as that of falling rain, becomes legible
and surrenders; blood or sweat?
you ask for forgiveness from meaning
from words in alphabetical symmetry
in the silence of your thoughts
deep within the flooded jungles
you stare past beyond the transparent
and yes you remember
you remember all of this
at the wake of your mortality

i wrote this when i was kinda angry with a friend, though i already forgave her
its really self explanatory though

“Escaping vendetta”



You murmured to the wind
Your secrets, the meaning of your soul
And watched it consume the pallid flame in your eyes
Like your rivers drowned in melancholy
And betrayal
--the smile on your lips has disappeared
Vendetta lies within

The tears from your eyes
Reflects the scorn you feel
Like a river in an unhampered flow
Full of voiceless stones
; desiring vendetta
In disdain of a friend’s duplicity
--the wind could no longer carry the ashes of your soul

Is there a graceful way escaping this?
Your rivers have dried up
Consuming itself in its own melancholy
Washing out the ashes of your soul
--your heart is full of voiceless stones
Surfacing betrayal, scorn and shattered amity
Failing to unearth
The crux of your vendetta

Again I ask
For a graceful way escaping this
-- Betrayal
-- Scorn
-- Vendetta

forever in silence

I wrote this when me and my girlfriend had a fight




“Forever in silence”
By: Paolo Macariola


We could spend forever like this
In silence, in relapse
I don’t want to hear you say
What my character means
Like in some outdated fairytale

I would watch you
Not looking into your eyes
Feeling my core surrender
All the while knowing,
How you never understood my glances

Do you know what you mean?
Tell me, what do we mean anyway?
Or what will happen if rain falls upwards?
You really are everything
Even if time falls backwards

In some certain parts of meaning
Numb is defined as lack of feeling
Did you feel my warm breath?
I am soaked from the rain
Pouring from the deep well of my heart

Again must I ask?
If you wanted to spend forever like this.