Dots, commas and shadows

Nimbus carnival

2010-08-01T20:08:00.000-07:00

"Nimbus carnival"
by mario paolo macariola

I grieve for the raindrops
and nimbus carnivals
falling within my walls

for the chimes swaying
by the window,
wailing for thunder and lightning
for the unquenchable.
for desire

I grieve for the dissapearing light,
for the fading day.
for my vision that blurs.
for you,
my unrequited

the wind is driving me away.

you are the morning star
that sings in the voice of thunder,
your eyes are calm lightning.
you are what the sun and moon envied:
my immortal

but the wind is your conviction,
i long for you at arms lenght
the wind is your conviction,
together we are apart

you are what the raindrops
could never wash away

and so
the stormclouds gather
within my walls

Pain faucet

2010-08-01T20:07:00.001-07:00

"Pain faucet"
by mario paolo macariola

through her wrists
empties her heart
flows her pain
like a faucet

numb as stone
cold as fog
she wastes away

from her wounds
flows her heart

where lies silence

Christmas

2010-08-01T20:04:00.000-07:00

"Christmas"
by mario paolo macariola

it was santa's sled
that flew us over ice cream mountains
as we chased the sunrise
wrapped in ribbons

just like my heart,
that i left on your doorstep
will you pick it up?

I am a dreamer
who imagines
reindeers dancing on sundae cones,
and angels making love
in cotton candy

I am a dreamer
who imagines our hands
bound together by ribbons
as did our hearts
riding santa's sled
chasing christmas

into the sunrise
trailed by unicorns
we shall dance with cupid

Pyro Luster

2010-08-01T19:41:00.000-07:00

"Pyro luster"
by mario paolo macariola

I.
everything was swallowed by the bright lights,
spinning and turning- like a vortex
i saw you in the visual discord,
beautiful as strange auroras.
were you counting moths again?

you know very well
how moths are attracted to the light,
your light; beaming from the hundred
sunsets of your face
reconstructing the demise of sodom
and hence its birth: purity

the moths burned
whenever they came too close,
they burned of sin,
the sin of your refusal and my insistence.
an inevitable desire.
--for you are fire.
a bright, warm and forbidding vortex
that pulls me towards its core: a lonely blue,
closer and closer until you see

that i am just a fragile moth.
then it would be too late
for i have been already drawn into your luster,
already dead
and reduced to ashes

II.

I, the moth
shall step away from you: my fire
and silently collect all my ashes into a single clump,
wallow in a few drops of rainwater.
then bask under the sun
for a few seconds
and who knows?
after a day or two,
I might just be whole again

to fly somewhere else
and bathe in another's flames,
to feel the wind on my face,
to adore another's cadence
such as limelight,
or to be intoxicated
by the sun's glow.

and it would never be the same again

I, the moth shall leave your warmth,
your core: blue as ice,
triumphant in the ashes
as a phoenix

III.

For one last time i'll be dancing with the moths,
into your glamour
and light,
into my fire
--into your heart

I, the phoenix
will recklessly indulge in your core,
linger in it;
and see how the world changes
from a lump of rock
to a fistfull of sunlight.

but you, my fire has a soul of ice
that conceals your true self,
like a shroud of paleness,
disguised as blue flame...
you seal away your identity

deep in the recesses
of what remains unknown
lies your desire:
your true flame:
a midnight sun thats hiding
in the darkness,
where also lies my true self:
a moth mesmerized by light,
your illusion which no one else sees

maybe when the flames
finally consume us
shall we reveal our true selves

not as a moth,
phoenix or flame
but as naked souls,
lost in the darkness
starving for light

IV.

Our souls of fire and ice falter,
still we long for the myth of light,
we starve for it:
melancholy burns.

like the flames
that was supposed to consume us
that proved to be nothing more
that illusion,
our grand idea
stretched to the point of truth.

but alas! we had been burned,
not by fire or ice,
but by our true selves
that we had foolishly believed
as naked souls.

now i know.
I am just a moth
pretending to be a phoenix,
while you are just fire,
our cores are ash and frost.

I, the moth had already been reduced to ashes
in the adamance of the wind,
to the pity of envious fireflies.
while you: my fire,
is diminished
and from the howling darkness
you formed the shadows,
where i found sanctuary...
in despair
where i found you,
you,
my fire,
my unrequited,
my death,
my end...

where begins life

Virgos Spoliarium

2010-06-16T02:27:00.000-07:00

"Virgo's Spoliarium"

by m.p. macariola

You mused

with Juan Luna

the night you took part

in the carnage of spoliarium

down my back

the warmth of lips

and fingers brushing

every inch,

exposing lust, sorrow and love.

defining envy and greed

for every drop of sweat.

our eyes lock

and i see my soul in yours,

our minds wander

the fields of Van Gogh.

somewhere in it

a petal falls from a sunflower

and we cannot stitch it back,

we were like mirrors without a speck

of guilt,

wathcing the arms

of Venus De Milo

slowly burn away

Night Mirage

2010-06-16T02:23:00.000-07:00

"Night Mirage"

by m.p. macariola

tonight i sleep in the arms

of solace

under an empty sky

into profound loneliness

my soul departs

to the far end of the minds vastness

to the shadows that repel light

wherein i shall linger

until the end, until i end

listening to the muted voices

in my head

that mocks me

like crickets

betrayed by

moonlight

illuminates you

now and ever since

you stood westward

bathed in the moon's fragrant silver.

have you come to redeem me?

Ikalawa ng hunyo

2010-06-16T02:20:00.000-07:00

"Ikalawa ng hunyo"

by m.p. macariola

nabasa na naman ako sa ulan

sa pag iisa,

sa kalungkutan,

sa kawalan

ngunit di

mararamdaman ng tubig

ang aking pagluha

at di rin maririnig ng kulog

ang aking pagsamo

iiwan mo rin naman ako-

kasama ang liwanag na nilamon na

ng maiitim na ulap.

kasama ang asin ng mga natuyong luhang

umagos sa kanal

lilisan ka ng

marahan...

sisingaw na tila usok

katulad ng ulan

na siyang pumapatak

sa aking pangungulila

Hangal lang ang naibig kay kamatayan

2010-06-16T02:09:00.000-07:00

"Hangal lang ang naibig kay kamatayan"

by m.p. macariola

Dinadalaw mo na naman ako

kamatayan,

ngayong nagsimula na ang tagulan,

nakataklob ang iyong mukha,

lumuluha ka kaya?

katulad ko habang

iniisip kung meron

bang karit na nakatago

sa loob ng iyong mahabang mangas,

o luhang natagas sa ilalim ng nakataklob

mong mukha,

kung may puso bang

natibok sa loob ng balabal mong hatingabi

at kung para ba ito sa akin.

ngunit binagsak mo lang ang iyong karit

at tinapos ang aking buhay

gamit ang isang halik

at sabay tumalikod ka't

umalis

di ko man lang nakita ang iyong mukha

o labi, ngunit

naramdaman ko naman

ang iyong luhang

mainit-init pa't

humahalo na rin

sa akin

at ngayon nga'y

lumisan ka na naman

ngunit di katulad ng dati'y

di ka na babalik sa akin

tapos na ang hatingabi at ang aking buhay

tapos na ang lahat sa atin

Hades lament

2010-06-16T02:04:00.000-07:00

"Hades lament"

by m.p. macariola

they say im ruthless

with my acts, beliefs

and severity

I, in whose humble chest

only beats winter and sorrow,

I am hades,

the ensemble of pain,

the king of the dead,

and therefore the king of nothing.

and you demeter,

dont know how much

you torment me.

inside me is a harsh winter...

slowly thawing into spring

--it burns.

while I, the ruthlessly pitiful god

could only

watch as i willingly

fall prey to

humanity's most senseless emotion:

love

but what parts us

is the earth and sky,

and so in the underworld,

in the severity of a hundred winters...

i burn alone

Farewell my sunset

2010-06-16T01:58:00.001-07:00

"Farewell my sunset"

by m.p. macariola

farewell my sunset

alas. you have burned

me again,

i am scorched to nothing,

i am defeated

be proud that you had hurt me

rejoice at my wounds

and laugh at my pain

I, who was once

among the gods

now suffers

I bid you goodbye,

good riddance as you sink

into the sea,

as you fall

into the forgotten.

and i would not even remember

your light,

you who corroded my sky.

you, my sunset will

be soon eaten up by

the hungry horizon

that never ends until

it lusts for its own death.

and you will never even remember

who i am

as you have never really known me

and i wont remember you either

as i have never really known you

today, the sun sinks in the west

tomorrow it will do too

and it will never end

it will never end

Whales

2010-06-16T01:55:00.001-07:00

"Whales"

by m.p. macariola

drawn on the icy screen

of raindrops,

are the lines of sorrow

where swims

the whales,

continuously ramming

at my chest,

to break it.

and swim

in the boxed ocean

that is my heart

have you sent those

whales to set you free,

my little fish?

do you seek

freedom?

even if...

it costs you

my life...

Polaris

2010-06-16T01:50:00.000-07:00

"Polaris"

by m.p macariola

I long

to count your

heartbeats and

maybe understand

whats being spoken

during those in-betweens:

could it be

me?

:who foolishly tries

to define what the silence

between us means,

the clamor of it,

the discord of uncertainty...

our unspoken love affair

that you could never know about,

my madness that you could not

understand,

my heart that beats inside your chest,

that you would naively call

as my

folly,

is what i posses as i

long to posses your heart:

a justice as you already had mine

and still you fail to acknowledge it,

you fail to hear whats being spoken

in between my heartbeats,

you, my northern star,

my fire,

my sky

whom i long to hear

heartbeats from

lives in mine

Jejemon

2010-06-16T01:45:00.000-07:00

this is one of the shallowest poems ive ever written...

but its funny hahaha

"jejemon"

by m.paolo macariola

May kumislap

sa cellphone ko

nang nagtext ka ng

"eow powhz"

sinundan mo pa ng

"txtbaxkz pfuh plsz"

biglang nanlambot

ang aking tuhod,

at kumulo ang aking

kape

umusok ang

cellphone

sumabog ang batterya,

bumuka ang lupa

nagpakita ang diablo

ginising nya ako

sa sobrang gulat ay

natabig ko ang kape't

nabasa ang aking cellphone

(ngunit di ito sumabog)

sayang naman

Like magic

2010-06-15T08:43:00.001-07:00

"Like magic"

By m. paolo macariola

Watching you speak,

i know that

surely

there is magic

the way your words

hover and levitate

against the gravity

around us,

its syllables gently

falling

into petals

that will sprout into flowers

as soon as they

hit the ground

and who knows?

i just might pick them up

the moment you start

brushing your hair

with the sun's rays

or as soon as

you get distracted

by the butterflies

flouncing everytime

you flutter

those eyelashes

and if you ever catch me

stooping for your flowers,

you'd just look at me

and smile.

then surely

it would be magic

Touch

2010-06-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

"Touch"

by m. paolo macariola

our arms brushed

in the moist of the afternoon;

our first touch,

the first kiss of the holes

on our skin,

where breathes sea currents

nurtured by the smiling sun.

the pichi pichis

you held could have felt

the tremors, the undersea volcanoes

inside my chest,

erupting...

into the moist of the afternoon

sprinkled like sand

on our arms

when they touched into earthquakes

from our colliding

continents

Charon

2010-06-15T08:32:00.000-07:00

"Charon"

by m.paolo macariola

immortal are the

withered roses that you held,

my beautiful corpse

like an oath

to kiss the grave of his lips,

filled with the worms of promise,

his arms are the abyss.

where the crows await.

i could be your pallbearer,

your charon,

to sing of the end,

chant it:

immortal are the withered roses,

you will be at one with them...

i will take you there,

to be imprisoned in hades,

where you would rot near me

drowning

in the worms of his embrace.

but first you must be

at one with the crows

-- you must be stripped of your flesh.

the bell of crows accompany

your march,

towards the end, the beginning of it,

where awaits your coffin of thorns,

your finale,

where you would finally depart

with an oath...

and so i leave with mine:

to swim in a sea of skeletons,

to throw myself at the crows,

to be void of a heart,

to rot,

to die

as you kiss his lies

I, Charon shall await

the coming of crows,

your fall to hades

Midnight waltz

2010-06-15T08:26:00.000-07:00

"midnight waltz"

By m.paolo macariola

we once again take part

in this hopeless dance

ascending and descending

endless stairways

of heartbeats

and in-betweens,

we lose shadows,

shapeless

like the waning clock

striking towards dawn.

above us,

ogling stars bury

themselves behind clouds,

our hands dig up flesh.

we chase gasping echoes

with hushed whispers,

our bodies imitate waterfalls,

water against water,

spiraling into chambers of circles

that outline our

perfect waltz.

slowly we push for

the final steps,

breaking the last shards

of moonlight,

drowning out heaven

with the last treble of waterfalls,

we catch the last fragments

of darkness with

our fingertips,

and grasp the true meaning

of dawn.

Succubus

2010-06-15T08:15:00.000-07:00

"Succubus"

By m.paolo macariola

My succubus

have you been

sleeping with

mortals again?

sneaking from the darkness,

under the bed

your luscious lips

opened up and

swallowed the night,

the whole of it

Charm me with your poetry,

your undying cliches

i am the devil

and

tonight we dance in hell

and its euphoric flames.

persuade me with your lines,

your lies,

your malicious tears

but there is no sympathy,

my succubus

have you

been sleeping

with mortals again?

Gambit

2010-06-15T08:12:00.000-07:00

"Gambit"

by m.paolo macariola

We raise the ante as

the city lights come

to life

you bluff affection

continuously

raising

and reraising

Flirtations

until....

all in

gambles everything

and dares me

to call on your advances

Stranger Aphrodite

2010-06-15T08:07:00.002-07:00

"stranger aphrodite"

By m.Paolo macariola

A yard

of galaxies

could have

hovered

between us

contracting

and

expanding

like blackholes

pulsing

into the heart

of space

but....

could no more

than specks of dust

you and i

drifting aimlessly

into

distant oblivions

we depart

nameless

like the ancient stars

--For her, a stranger still

Sodom and Gomorah

2010-06-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

"Sodom and Gomorrah"

By m.Paolo macariola

We revel

with the

gods of sodom

in our profound

nakedness

partaking in

insatiable rituals of

sacrifice

--and longing

legs spread,

thirsting for fire.

II.

To assume

forgiveness is to

come face to face

with the cold sunrise

In our desolate

nakedness,

we thirst for what is

insatiable

and revel in the dust.

New moon

2010-05-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

new moon
by paolo macariola

dawns awakens above us
a vast neon blue
spilling across oceans
as did our happiness

until twilight came
and colored our guilt
we try to measure what we see
with our emptiness
imitating the foolish sky

but everything darkens
when the world fades to black
the moon weeps
it haunts us

defining commas

2010-05-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

"defining commas"
by paolo macariola

sometimes i forget
to pause at the commas
and maybe take a deep breath
everytime i read that old letter of yours,

the same way i stop
for a fleeting moment
to catch a glimpse of you
before our lips challenge embers.

strange, how a mark
made with the faintest sleight of hand
could resemble the ocean's silent longing
for the sun,

as any body of water
such as the raindrop
awaits that certain ray of light
to forge a rainbow,

as any star
endures the day
to breathe in
the first whisper of a night.

and thus i learned:
a comma is a gate
of pauses that slowly opens
to reveal its true intent,

it is the gap which fills the absence
within another absence.
an assumption of something
to come. a prolonged adlib

that delays the climax
of a tragic ending
and a definite farewell
of conclusive defeat.

then it came to me
that maybe this emptiness
is your heart's true intent.
and it ends,

"oblivion"

2010-03-06T23:07:00.000-08:00

"oblivion"

by paolo macariola

my heart is a sea of shadows

camouflaged in ice

my soul is in the abyss

i am in oblivion

i bleed now

as new wounds peek from old scars

you walk away from me

in the silence

of my own pain

i used to wish

that your heart is a sanctuary

where mine could strip off its armor

and reveal its true nakedness

but your words still

repeat itself hollowly inside my chest

my heart is a sea of shadows

waiting for oblivion

"confession of the innocent"

2010-03-06T23:03:00.001-08:00

"confession of the innocent"

by paolo macariola

far into the darkness

sprawls a thousand corpses

rotting in its innocence

like wild flowers

i am a murderer

and tonight i shall kill again

in praise of the blind gods

in whose mercy lets murderers like me

wander unforgiven

to cut another wrist

to slit another throat

and to squeeze the life

out of another heart

clamoring for redemption

this is my conviction

there is blood in my hands

that could never seek forgiveness

so i dig another grave

into my own skin

to bury a hundred more corpses

to hear their last breath

and to forget

yes, to forget

how they used to be me

"underwater"

2010-03-06T22:59:00.000-08:00

"underwater"

by paolo macariola

to dream of coming to surface

is to forget the waves

that has rippled

whispers of imprisonment

above our murky existence

hence we try

to imagine ourselves as stars

willingly trapped in the ocean sky

that falls into fireballs

after eternities

of aimless combustion

but we are no more than a constellation of two stones

you and i

so we forget the waves

and wish for sunlight

we come to surface

only to find ourselves

in some part of the world

where the sun never rises

"Poet writes beautiful filth"

2009-10-11T06:16:00.001-07:00

"Poet writes beautiful filth"

by paolo macariola

I ruminate endlessly

on the grotesque

concepts

of my self inflicted

methods to madness

trying to decipher Venus

is to dismantle

its equations

into bite sized smidgets

a piece of sanity at a time

but i dare not swallow

this beautiful filth

as one could never

challenge to regurgitate

a rock

on the other hand...

possibly in another dimension

i may have been

just like you

rapidly spewing

trite distractions

but in the meantime

i shall go on

ruminating venus

and dismantling madness

on a piece of paper

stenciled endlessly

with grotesque metaphors

i dare you to swallow

my beautiful filth

somewhere at the tip

of your tongue

will scatter the taste

of my madly concocted delusions

laced with bitter nectar.

-- and if somehow

you manage to swallow it

you would feel

a disruptive cramp

as though you've ingested

a rock

that your mere cliche'd existence

could never regurgitate

Mariposang tala

2009-10-11T06:14:00.001-07:00

"Mariposang tala"

by paolo macariola

sa dulo ng sigarilyo

mariposa'y tumakas

pusong apoy ang sumibol

naupos ang tala

binurda ang mga ulap

sa aking kalamnan

mula sa pulso'y tatakas

lalangoy ang mariposa

sa kaibugturan ng tala

hinimlay ang upos

nagnulo sa lupa

nalunod sa mariposa

Reciprocating gravity

2009-10-11T06:08:00.000-07:00

"Reciprocating gravity"

by paolo macariola

i held her

the same way

a child would hold his mother

so as not to be

frightened

by fireworks,

she was days my senior.

for me she was the ocean

where all of my

unhampered emotions

flowed.

her voice, the gong of stars.

i knew i loved her

after the earths gravity

pulled my body

not knowing

if she could ever love me back

she held me

the same way

i held on to my mother

whenever i grow scared

of fireworks,

she was years my junior.

for her i was the ocean

that gave meaning to the sun.

my arms, the sky that cradled her stars

i knew she loved me

after she stood ground

in the shadow of an eclipse

but the earths gravity pulled my body

and somehow i knew

how i could never love her back

Scarlet twilight

2009-10-11T06:02:00.000-07:00

"Scarlet twilight"

by paolo macariola

You listen

to the twilight of tarots

and sculpted a dark horizon

of meaningless stars

for you, it was the will

of the gods

written in the palms

even before our souls

found flesh

you depart

invisible like starlight

reflecting moonbeams

in the wake of April.

I listen

to the voices in my head

seeking flesh

but for you

it must be

the will of the gods

as i sculpt scarlet patterns

that bleed

twilight

screaming at irrelevant stars

i depart

(for the one residing in some far galaxy, making the stars meaningless)

Forever in silence Pt.3

2009-10-11T05:58:00.000-07:00

"Forever in silence Pt.3"

by Paolo macariola

Silent is the river

of our immortal defeat

i now fall upwards

into voiceless oblivion

six feet under the sand

is our borrowed existence

together we embrace the shadows

millennia's apart

We spent forever like this

in silence, in defeat

we wither in the dry flowerbeds

under the dying galaxies

ours is but a trickling memory

rain falls upwards

i cease to believe

-october 6 2009 las pinas city, Philippines

Oda

2009-10-11T05:56:00.000-07:00

"Oda"

by paolo macariola

Tulad ng gabing di matapos tapos

ang ginaw ng mga palad nating di nagdadaop

samyo ng pangungulila'y humahagod

sa mga labi nating di nag aabot

tulad ng gabing di matapos tapos

ang pag andap andap ng mga anino

diling sa braso mo ay maigapos

hiling doon ang dilim ay maubos

tulad ng gabing di matapos tapos

ang yakap ng di maririnig na pagsamo

salamin ng iyong mata ay aagos

ako ang hangin na sayo'y yayapos

Ikaw Cotabato

2009-10-11T05:52:00.001-07:00

"Ikaw Cotabato"

by paolo macariola

Ikaw Cotabato

ay isang batong

bumulwak

mula sa karagatan ni bathalang

hinumla ng matalim ng dunong

iyong sinukat ang hanganan

ng iyong imortalidad

nang iyong tinawid

ang apatnapung araw ng mga ilog

at binagtas ang mga gubat

ng makabagong pamumuhay

Ikaw Coatabato

ay isang batong

araw araw bilanggo

sa mga gusaling bakal

na sumusubok sa iyong

inipong dunong

doon ka natipak at nagalusan

na parang aspaltong nilublob

sa ilang talampakang putik

Ngunit ikaw Cotabato

ay isang batong nagsisimula pa lang makita

ang hanganan ng iyong imortalidad

nang ikaw ay hiniwa

ng matalim na hangin ng dunong

ni bathala

(For a friend)

Ocean deity

2009-10-11T05:49:00.000-07:00

"Ocean deity"

by paolo macariola

whenever i pass by the ocean

i would like to imagine you

picking up seashells

minutes before sunset

your skin dusted pearl

drenched in rivers of hair

weaved by the careful hands of a sea goddess

immortal as sunset

and just before the first stars appear

i would think of you

as the deity

from whose breast

flowed the coral sky

whenever i pass by the ocean

that lulls me to dream

The coming of war chariots

2009-09-21T02:59:00.001-07:00

it was almost 15 years ago when i last saw
the bluest sky of manila
the buses then did not resemble the war chariots they are today
nor is the mud after the rainstorm
the sludge that it is now
the sky then was empty
like an imaginative nirvana
i was 5 years old then

it was almost the same sky a year ago
when rusty heaven stroke your cheeks
with the rouge you never used
you were asleep
and so i thought that you must be searching
for the most prosaic explanation
why in our own poetic versions of imaginative nirvana
do we feel the coming of emptiness
how did our sky
drift into the shadows of war chariots
scorched like dying brimstone

the sky is full of smog tonight
that filled my head with the madness of war chariots
so i drift into the shadows
into emptiness
poetic like the imaginative nirvana of your memory

where i shall wallow in the slidge
under the same sky
waiting to be trampled by war chariots

Shadow eater

2009-09-21T02:55:00.000-07:00

by paolo macariola

Ours is a dangerous hunger
that feeds
on the shadows that linger
within the unnamed creases of the body

carelessly
we descend into the doom
breathing in the shadows
of our bodies' unnamed creases
with nothing else in mind
but to feed

we remain breathless by sunrise
exhaling
hand in hand
we surrender back into the light
we collect whatever darkness remain in us
and guiltily tuck back
our own shadows

The poets unsent postcard

2009-09-21T02:48:00.000-07:00

by paolo macariola

here is the country
where i was born
where there are storms most of the time
and where we observe the passing of months
counting sunsets
here is a country of war, of schizo priests and dead journalists
where statues of virgins
are worshiped on the streets
the devout leaving their homes barren of food for the children
here is a country of torn jungles
where the origin of man
is the trunk of a tree
where there are shamans and witchdoctors,
where saints and soothsayers never differ
here is a country of rain forests and seashores
of saints and superstition
of guns and schizophrenia

this was your country too,
where loved ones leave through the horizon
and poets die waiting for airplanes
by the sunset

Sepia, grain and old movies

2009-09-21T02:41:00.000-07:00

by paolo macariola

you are just like a mirage now
blurred at a certain moment
but vividly clear the next
i watch you
slowly appear and disappear
to the rhythm of flickering screenlights
you are there
like a transluscent curtain
in front of a fast talking yellowish movie
and slowly
as i inhale another pound of poison from my menthol lights
i notice your apparition blur
not only from the residue of my habitual smoking
but also from the haze of my foggy persona
and as the smoke thinned out
the way it should
as seen in old tagalog movies
you disappear
unexplainably fading out with no credits
no applause
no popcorn
just a sepia tone
that has lingered in this room
yellow enough
to be mistaken for the nicotine stains
in my fingernails
from sleepless nights
of smoking soggy cigarettes

Kitil

2009-09-21T02:23:00.000-07:00

i wrote this at a time i hated my mom so much... its kinda personal though

"Kitil"

by paolo macariola

sa luob ng isang sementadong drum
mananatili ang aking pinagpirapirasong katawang
hindi na muling lilisan
dito sa kanyang kinandadong libingan

ikaw ina ang kumitil sa aking kaluluwang buhay pa man
ay nakakulong na sa isang selyadong drum

dito sa aking huling hantungan
ay di na muling titibok
dinaluyan na ng sementong
hinalo pa ng mapagmahal na kamay ni ina

dito sa aking sementadong hantungan
sa luob ng selyadong drum

Menthol Lights

2009-09-21T02:20:00.000-07:00

Menthol Lights
by paolo macariola

Hinubog ko ang usok
para doon makita
ang maganda mong mukha
at humithit muli
para maramdaman
ang paghagod ng lamig
na nakakapagpaalala sakin ng inyong ngiti
namula lalo ang baga
na tulad ng iyong mga palad
ay papaso lamang sa akin
ang pag iisip sayo
ay katulad ng paninigarilyo
na ang pangako lamang ay sakit

"mortido"

2009-09-21T01:54:00.000-07:00

this is about death or wanting to die

"mortido"
by paolo macariola

ngayon ako ay paulit ulit na matutulog
mananaginip
at matutulog muli
papunta sa mas malalim pang panaginip
sa mas malalim pang pagtulog

doon ko gagawing haigaan ang mga ulap
at ilalim ng lupa
ang liwanag at dilim
ang langit at impyerno
doon ako muling mahihiga
sa mga malalim na panaginip
ng ilan daan pang panaginip

ngayon
ako ay paulit ulit na
matutulog
mananaginip
matutulog
mananaginip
paulit ulit

masilaw man sa liwanag
o kainin ng kadiliman
sunugin man ng impyerno ang mga ulap
malunod man sa bulate itong langit

akoy patuloy na mananaginip
sa mga ulap man o sa ilalim ng lupa
sa liwanag o dilim
langit at impyerno
paulit ulit

dead cats

2009-07-28T00:40:00.001-07:00

"dead cats"
by paolo macariola

there are dead cats
that hide within the
urban jungles of manila,
some peep from the tires of unsuspecting jeep
while some swm amongst the dead fishes
in manila bay.
then there are the more fortunate dead cats,
i heard that there's a dead cat just under rizal's foot
at luneta, and another one hiding somewhere
between the stitches of the presidential couch.
of course no one knew their names
or where they came from,
no one knows what made them dead cats,
or why their owners left them in the first place
i never even knew how i became a dead cat myself
or where my owner is in the first place
how about you?
are you a dead cat yourself?
or are you one of the past owners
who never even remember owning and losing a dead cat?

bahagharing laot

2009-07-28T00:32:00.000-07:00

its my first time writing something with a somewhat political theme hehe lolx

"bahagharing laot"
by paolo macariola

bahaghari kang dumapo
sa pinakataimtim na dalangin sa paglalayag
ng isang marinerong pumapalaot
sa madaling araw

bitbit ang lambat na
mangangahas sumisid at mang akit
ng mabibigat na isdang ipambibili
ng mga pangarap
sa lupang kailanmay di nagbigay
ng sapat na ani
para sa kumakalam na sikmura
diligan man ng pawis o dugo

ikaw ang bahagharing
inaasahang magpakita
matapos bumaha ng
magsasaka, marinero at mangagawa
sa bukid ng karapatang
kinakalbo sa sapilitang pag ani at marahas
na pagbayo sa boses ng mga pangkaraniwang tao

bahaghari kang hangang ngayoy nabubuhay lamang
sa mga taimtim na dalangin
ng isang marinerong bansang
nalulunod sa di maiwasang pagtalikod
sa takipsilim ng pangarap

"CigarEtteS"

2009-07-07T02:25:00.000-07:00

"CigarEtteS"
by paolo macariola

Your embers
are crimson butterflies
that fluttered into the far side
of the moon
leaving a dead stub of nicotine
to drown in the secretive gutter of memories

Kape para sa magdamag

2009-07-07T02:20:00.001-07:00

"Kape sa magdamag"
By paolo macariola

Binuhos ko
ang isang paketeng nescafe
sa kaldero ng kumukulong tubig
sa pagbabakasakaling
ang pagsasama ng pait at init
ay mas may kakayahang
pumaso at lumapnos ng labi
isasama ko na rin
ang isang basong asukal
sa kagustuhang mapagtakpan
ng tamis ang kumukulong pait
huli ko namang ihahalo ang gatas
kahit na alam kong
kahit kaila'y hindi nito mapapaputi
ang mga bagay
na likas ng maitim

mabilis ko itong hahaluin
pakaliwa
pakanan
pakaliwa
pakanan
hangang sa mapagisa ko
ang nescafe, asukal at gatas
hangang mapagisa ko
ang pait, tamis at pagpapangap

tapos na akong magtimpla
ng kape para sa magdamag
ngunit wala ka na
sarili ko nalang pala
ang siyang kukumbinsihin
na masarap ang pinaghalo halong
nescafe, asukal at gatas
mag-isa ko nalang rin pala
sisimulang ubusin
ang tinimpa kong pait, tamis at pagpapangap

Side glances

2009-07-07T02:17:00.000-07:00

"The unravelling"
by paolo macariola

role
playing
as a
mathematician
i try
to unravel
the
secrets
of our
fractional
side
glances
that spawns
galaxies
and blackholes
that will implode
into
a
massive
big
bang
created
by
the
void
of the
moment
you
start
to
look
away

Hele

2009-07-07T02:14:00.000-07:00

"Hele"
by paolo macariola

hinel ka ng kadilimang
di maikubli sa lihim
ang mga aninong
kumukumot sa gabi
kasama ang mga natuyong rosas
o durog na paru-paro
na siyang namumukadkad
sa mga panahong hinabi
ng aking pangungulila

malamig ang hanging
naghele sayo
pabalik sa aking ala-ala

ikaw ay isang kathang isip
na di nakadaragdag
o nakababawas sa aking pagiisa
bagwis ay isang
pagheleng nabuo mula sa ritmo
ng mga sinok
sigaw
at buntong hininga

hinele mo sakin
ang lihim ng pagiisa

marahan

patungo sa isang bangungot

Random Thoughts 2

2009-06-29T08:59:00.000-07:00

empty are the streets of neon
that once reflected your face to a universe anew
into spiderwebs of light
besides the shadows of streetlamps

i miss you like the sky
misses its colors

when it rains..

2009-06-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

i cant seem to write anything good lately
maybe im too sad

Princess Dacles: Isang malayang pag-agos

2009-05-16T21:17:00.000-07:00

"Princess Dacles: isang malayang pag-agos"
by paolo macariola

ngayon ko lang naintindihan ang tunay na kalungkutan
hindi pala apoy ng metapora ang dala nito
kundi ang kawalang laman
at pagka bakante ng emosyon

naglalakad ako sa lupa kahit pa ako'y wala na

wala na akong maisip na mga ibang bagay
kungdi ang palad mo sa aking pisngi
ang iyong pawis sa aking balat
ang ating pagpapalitan ng hininga
ang malamig mong boses....

ganito pala ang kalungkutan
maihahalintulad sa isang malayang pag agos
sa isang malayang pagkaubos ng nilalalaman
ang masakit na pagkamanhid
ang iyong paglisan

hangang ngayo'y iniintay ko paring marinig ang yabag mo
sa labas ng aking pintuan

malayang umagos ang kalungkutan
gumagalaw sa aking ugat
ang mga lubak lubak na ulap ng kahapon
na hindi maubos ubos
tulad sa tubig ng talon

makulay ang mga panaginip ng pisngi, labi, paghinga

at tulad sa tubig ng talon
ang pag-agos ng luha
ang mabigat na pagtibok ng puso
ang sakit
ang ala-ala

hindi maubos ubos

Mumbaki

2009-05-16T06:28:00.001-07:00

mumbaki is another word for witch doctor in the philippines

"mumbaki"

i would like to believe that we are a song, you and i
the same song of ifugao and ibaloy shamans
chanted in lush sacred mountains
of lost ancient texts
that our footsteps are echoes of gongs
resounding across cliffs and mountainpaths
all carved by the hands of god
of light and shadow alike
but we cant be more than ghosts now
that haunt dark industrial alleys
far from the cordilleras
where i listen for echoes
that sang of your palm imprints on my cheeks
indelible like the blood of god
of pain and darkness alone

Blood and water

2009-05-16T06:22:00.001-07:00

waves of absence run
deep within oceans of solitude
this absence, yours
fill the torrents with
shades of doubt
sparkling like a pink sea

airplanes take you away
to the farthest corners of belief
where you wont even hear
the faintest echoes
of my deepest sighs
but the clamors of desperate oceans
pink with blood and water

you were always beyond my horizon
even then
so i should not forget
this imprint of your memory
running deep within roads of flesh
sparkling like a pink sea

eve leaves zion

2009-05-16T06:16:00.000-07:00

"eve leaves zion"
by paolo macariola

i pray to the heathen gods
the sanctity of your untruth
my divine nonexistence
-- our myth of zion

hence a lost divinity
i call myself a pagan
left in zion
to worship idols of your untruth
of you leaving
under the traitors moon

tomorrow burns the heathen gods...

The tryst of the desert flower and the midday sun

2009-04-26T05:19:00.000-07:00

like
the desert sun
i shall
hang myself
on
the afternoon
sky
where
shall i
burn
the petals
of
your cheeks
and wonder
why
despite
such
radiant heat
you
still
fail
to burn

2009-04-26T03:25:00.000-07:00

this aint finished yet..

"Fragment"

we are fragments you and i
that has scattered from broken window panes
along with a thousand other smaller fragments
forgotten in time
unsung by bards

but until the time is ripe
we remain no better than dust
on the marble floor

we were one before you and i
painted, unbroken

I am the little prince

2009-04-08T06:32:00.000-07:00

"I am the little prince"
by paolo macariola

little princes watch trains of skylights
to be reminded of pain
from flowers that grow on barren planets
kept under crystal domes

now i shall be one of such little princes
travelling planets
one yard at a time

these planets
are caught inside the four corners
of my musky room
where wild animals of thought
wander through broad daylight
or shadow

here in the galaxies of my private universe
i shall wonder at simple marvels
such as the growing of petals
from every consonant formed

dropping from song

and just like a little prince
await dreams of crystal domes
pleased by the warmth of my palms

just behind the baobab trees
i have kept in my closet a lifetime ago

Spaces

2009-04-04T22:20:00.000-07:00

"Spaces"
by paolo macariola

i have come to know spaces

as the unfilling of weights

or sometimes as the simple lack of object

or existence

such spaces exist between stars and planets

continents and stones

life and breath

my space of breath

is wide only when the space

beside me is full

and now as i struggle to breathe

i find the space besides me

a space still....

sattelites

2009-03-14T05:51:00.000-07:00

i wrote this thinking of my girlfriends soon departure to cambodia (again)
i hope it wont be long before she comes back

"Sattelites"
by paolo macariola

counting the sattelites amongst the stars
i recount the brightness of the moon
soaked in warm silver
just before you leave

let me first cower into the darkness
with a handfull of memories

depart with my lines
for tonight shall i count the sattelites
sworn by the secrecy of lips, of skin
alone

there i would feel
the perfect loneliness

but
let me first cower into the darkness
with a handfull of memories
under the secrecy of sattelites
alone

Forever in silence pt.2

2009-02-26T06:03:00.000-08:00

we spent forever in silence
once more
meanigless still
like dead heartbeats

trampling graves
of deaf and mutes
we fall to pieces
in everlasting nightfall

we remain meaningless
within our own caskets
soundless like the abyss
apart

Drunken Creed

2009-02-01T03:55:00.000-08:00

"Drunken creed"

i believe in gods
the gods almighty
hailing from olympus,
india and sometimes heaven
sometimes fat and pot bellied,
wielding a flash of lightning
or nailed on the cross
i believe in the creation of heaven and earth
from the sweat of a primordial cow,
from the thigh of a titan
all before the seventh day
for that day is when
they watch their own humans
on a large t.v.
eating heaven popcorn, drinking beer,
cursing and laughing at us as we nail ourselves
to our own crosses, engage in holy wars and bathe in sacred rivers
mysterious as filth.
in between our shows
are commercials that show
who goes to whom.
leaving each god
only a handful of souls.
so i dont wonder anymore
why gods are always drunk on sundays
yet i dare not ridicule them
or their drunkenness
I believe in gods

Sinta

2009-02-01T03:52:00.000-08:00

"Sinta"

Ikaw ang bahaghari ng delubyong
sakop sa balabal ng anino
ang siyang kadilimang
kumukuyom sa tinta ng aking panulat
at ang katahimikan
sa kalungkutan ng ambon

ikaw ang paghele ng isang libong gabing
nagbibigay liwanag sa anino ng mga oda,
ang awit at ang ingay,
ang bulaklak at ang tinik

ikaw ang tubig at ikaw ang apoy
ang pagsilab at pagkalunod sa alaala
ikaw ay ako rin,
ang langit at impiyerno
ang simula at katapusan,
buhay at kamatayan ng aking pagkamakata

The bad effects of clogged drainage

2009-02-01T03:49:00.000-08:00

this is when i went to starcity (themepark) with my bestfriend... this is about how i miss my girlfriend when i was there..

"The bad effects of clogged drainage"

Swimming in the flood
are divisions of emptiness
stretching from each of our distant fingertips
that dissipates city lights
into lonely apparitions
just beneath the mud
which creates a growing force of gravity
as we drift further away by millenias
only put to rest by the next brushing of our souls

Fireworks from a childish God

2009-01-01T00:54:00.000-08:00

i wrote this on new years day remembering the fireworks a while ago... missing someone

"Fireworks from a childish God"
by: paolo macariola

and in the moment of the moon
skies collapse
into lights that scatter and diffuse
into planes of scattered crayons
it was as if a childish god held them with fragile fingers
and painted streaks of explosions and destruction
bright and deafening with flame

clouds are scarred this night
as the child god blew holes into them
with the planes of scattered crayons
bright and deafening with flame

I find myself looking up
to the ellipses, streaks, lines,
dots and novas across the night sky
and remember the godchild's small and stubby fingers
drawing patterns by will
--suddenly i think of you
and wished that somewhere in the collapsing sky
shall i find your face
drawn by a childish god
holding crayons

polka supernova

2008-12-30T03:46:00.000-08:00

they say that fireworks scare away evil spirits

"polka supernova"
by paolo macariola

rainbow novas pop
sending slides of sparks
down the horizon
and i imagine you...
wearing a polka dot shirt
that your mom would give you
for more financial luck
this coming year

such superstitious imagination
is followed by polka shaped coins
falling on white marble
where you will be wearing
a gown of novas
sending me sparks

and us walking down the horizon of an aisle
greeted by vows of imagination

Random thoughts

2008-12-30T03:28:00.000-08:00

"Random thoughts 000"
by paolo macariola

running away
from
the sidewalk
we
found
ourselves
in the
middle
of the road
full
of fast cars
that
will
later run
over us
and crush our bodies into one

Painting sepulchers and fairies

2008-12-30T02:28:00.000-08:00

i miss my girlfriend...

"painting sepulchers and fairies"
by paolo macariola

deep in the sepulcher of fantasies
are enchanted jungles
of radiances only equaled
by the mosaic of memory

this memory, yours
feeds thirst to my emptiness of being
unrecognizable as soul space
unchangeably still

like a portrait
that paints itself with colors
of the end
buried deep in the sepulcher of my fantasy

my fantasy, you
feeds upon your memory
this i recognize as soul space
unchangeably still

Sodium nostalgia

2008-12-22T02:11:00.000-08:00

its about breaking up and remembering, crying

"sodium nostalgia"

we dream of fogged up mirrors
where our footsteps leave no trace
where our hearts hover the sky
like clouds heavy with seawater

the sun burns a foot or so away
we are mud baked brittle in an oven of dreams
owned by seashores
drowned in muck

i wanted to tell you
how we are a beautiful tragedy
but butterflies escape my words
before we can even taste the remnants
of salt between our palms

Birds of prey

2008-12-17T01:41:00.001-08:00

i wrote this for sum1 i hate so much.. she's a girl so i guess i cant kick her ass thats why i just wrote it down

"Birds of prey"

No one knows what is hidden behind those glances
Like the blades of your marble stare drenched in the ruin
Of empathy. Your demise crawls around the skin on my neck
In resemblance of a grand ploy from some primordial void

A flower from a nameless realm wanders into the existence of artifice
Exuding beauty and grandeur in its flamboyant display of glass feathers
How the sky is a mirror inverting reflection of petals
Into a barren fruit wilted to the core

No one knows how pillars of marble came
Turning stares into blades stained by a yearning for ruin
Ploys emanate voids that crawl around
The skin on my neck

Peacocks once were nameless flowers existing for artifice
Blossoming by the cracks of drought
The sky is a ripe domain for the seasoning of flowers
Into barren fruits wilted to the core

No one knows when the blades start
Their yearning for ruin
Apathetic ploys crawl around
The void of your existence

How the sky is full of the carcasses of dead peacocks
That nurtures rotten beauty
I am a bird of prey
Waiting for flowers to ripen into Fruits — wilted to its core

Pagtatagpo

2008-12-17T01:40:00.000-08:00

I.

Matalinghaga ang mga matang kinuyom sa isang ipu-ipo
Na binuhusan ng lusak na nagmula sa naglahong buwan
Ako’y isdang nilambat na nagnais na umahon sa dagat
Ng ako’y ikulong mo sa pampang ng iyong mga braso

II.

Tila salaming nalunod sa hamog ang mga matang
Dinaanan ng iyong hiningang korales
Nagkikiskisang bato ang ating mga labi
Na nagiintay sumilab

III.

Mabalasik ang pagbabangaan ng mga planeta ng ating katawan
At mabilis na nabasag ang mga nagpipigil na korales
Matalinghaga ang mga matang kinuyom sa ipu-ipo
Na bumabalot sa paghingal ng katahimikan

Lulling the end of summer

2008-12-17T01:39:00.000-08:00

for my girlfriend i love her but it still pains me to be with her... this must be what they call to love till it hurts

"Lulling the end of summer"

Lull me with your kiss
On a sleepless October night
Between summer’s end and winter eve
Let your orchards blossom in slumber
Deeper than the morning rush
And leave me to bathe in the stardust
From the dead sky in the horizon of your eyes
Lull me unto demise
On a sleepless October night
The moon’s decay buries dead stars
From the ensemble of words shaped by our breath
That has fragmented silence
To this ethereal space between us

I’ve dreamt of immortality
Longer than the grandeur of your neck
Wallowing in the planes formed by storming lashes
Severing the light away from darkness
Isolating my continuity lest it falls into void
And spiral into oblivion

Defeat me with the lies of stillness
Incomprehensible like a sleepless October night
In rupture of the once eternal sky
Lulling me to dream of immortality
Beyond my conviction
Farther than the grey clouds now drowned
In the weeping of the night
I dream of immortality
Beyond my conviction
In death

"Neon Lights"

2008-12-07T01:27:00.000-08:00

this is about a very sweet bus ride at midnight

"neon lights"

past those streetlights
neon shapes you into auroras hovering a sky of gray
that display numerous celestial phenomena
like planets born from big bangs
during the heavy collisions of our lips
thus sucking us into a blackhole of existence
where inert gases and spacedust spiral formations of milkyways
with the first stars neon
your eyes are galaxies of mirrors
conjuring new myths about vaccums, gravity and odd dimensions
that implodes into the neon cores of streetlights
deep within our bodies

An ocean of stars

2008-12-07T01:24:00.000-08:00

this is for my ex

"an ocean of stars"

we
are like
stars
that
fell
from
constellations
and drowned
at the
bottom of the sea
where
we shall form
new constellations
continents apart

Kissing shadows

2008-11-10T00:51:00.000-08:00

"kissing shadows"

the doorway bleed silhouetes
that take the form of your face
i kiss the floor and all its shadows
smothered in dust
-- the tang of red wax grips my lip

Sweaty beer bottles

2008-11-08T21:18:00.000-08:00

this is for my friend arnold galicia

Sweaty beer bottles
by paolo macariola

it was a damp night
colder than the tears that refuse to fall
from the moonscape of clockwork
that color the moon
with patterns of solitude

your face takes up all the shadows
of a fragmented past,
of an untimely death
that emmits lines of pain
dripping from sweaty beer bottles

empty silhouetes embrace the night
covered with haze

it was a damp night that same night
you left for the streets
carrying along your old toothbrush,
clothing articles, some money and maybe
pieces of memory

your face bows down from the moonlights weight
that further dampens the mirror in your eyes
surrounded by lines of solace
and patterns of depair
that drips from sweaty beer bottles

empty silhouetes embrace the night
covered with haze

it was a damp night
but no mortal tear would roll on your cheek
that would further dampen your footsteps
you slowly walk away
trailing wet cigarette butts

your mother's hands
pulsate through sweaty beer bottles
as you celebrate fiesta with us
at least you'd be numb and blind
from the chilling darkness
of your defeat,
of your solitude

empty silhouetes embrace the night
covered with haze
dripping from sweaty beer bottles

2008-10-08T04:06:00.000-07:00

shit im so bitter today,....

"mapait ang ulan"

2008-09-14T21:59:00.000-07:00

"mapait ang ulan"

naliligo ako sa ulan
upang mapuno ng tubig ang aking damit
at lalo pa itong yumapos sa aking katawan
dito ay mababasa ang aking buhok
at dahan dahang gagapang ang tubig sa aking mukha
tatahakin nito ang aking pilikmata, babagtasin ang pisngi
sabay magbababad sa aking labi -- mapait pala ang ulan

tumitingala ako
para mamasdan ang maiitim na ulap
hitik na pala sa anino at ingay ang paligid
kaya ipinipikit ko ang aking mga mata
upang mas namnamin ang pait
na humihilamos sa aking mukha

ako'y naligo sa ulan
maya maya'y pipigain ko na ang hinagpis na kumapit sa aking damit
huhugasan ang aking buhok ng nakakasunog na kemikal
at kikiskisin ng mabahong sabon ang aking katawan
pupunasan ko na rin ang aking balat at magpapalit ng damit
ramdam ko pa rin ang nanyaring paggapang sa aking mukha,
pagbagtas sa pisngi, pagbababad sa labi

muli akong maliligo sa ulan
pikit ang mata
yakap ang pait

the secret of summer's 23rd

2008-09-01T07:32:00.000-07:00

this is for rodine cagampan

we descend unt this chamber
away from the sun
as we did on summer's 23rd
arms locked, gasping for breath

we accuse ourselves
of shaping our own pain
trying to chisel away the marks
left by our lips
the sun could not burn away
the stencils of the skin

and as the glamour spell reaches
its peak and whizzes out
the door, left ajar by the oglers
shall we seek redemption once more?

to engage once again in this hopeless dance
and renew the marks left by our lips
descending away from the sun
and again shape our own pain
as we did on summer's 23rd
arms locked, gasping for breath

inipong lagablab

2008-09-01T07:26:00.000-07:00

this is for mhlq rodine cagampan

isang lawa ng apoy ang umagos sa aking likuran
naglalagablab, napakainit
ramdam ko ang pagkatuklap ng aking balat
at pagkaluto ng aking laman
na tumagos hangang buto
at tinupok ang aking kaluluwa
inalay mo sakin ang pinakamalayong bituin
taglay ang init na lulusaw sa pinakamatibay na kalasag
o kahit pa sa napakatigas na bato
iyong nilunod ang pighati sa lumalagitik na apoy
hangang sa itoy naging kulay pulang usok na lang

inaako ko ang lahat ng abo
pati na rin ang mga bagay na hindi pa tuluyang natutupok
masunog man itong mga daliri
maging sariling libingan man ang lagablab

akin na ring aangkinin ang apoy
ang uling at ang mga nagbabagang bato
ang pighati, kalungkutan, ulap, araw
luha, dugo, puso
ito'y aangkinin kong lahat
ito'y aangkinin kong lahat
hangang sa ako'y maging kulay pulang usok na lang
mula sa isang lawa ng apoy
na nangaling sa iyong mga mata

Writer's redemption

2008-08-16T23:52:00.000-07:00

melancholy on the wall
cast by the muted shadows
your soul is shapeless
recalling exestence
hungry for defeat
in the candlelight luster of burnt metaphors
vision is reinvented, a bleeding butterfly
flutters and is decanted in the corners
the moan of a thousand violins gauzes the air
you listen yet you fail.
conjuring the inimagined
seeking to hear the voices of poe, homer and joaquin
deafening prose and history, leaving marks
as that of falling rain, becomes legible
and surrenders; blood or sweat?
you ask for forgiveness from meaning
from words in alphabetical symmetry
in the silence of your thoughts
deep within the flooded jungles
you stare past beyond the transparent
and yes you remember
you remember all of this
at the wake of your mortality

2008-08-07T23:36:00.000-07:00

i wrote this when i was kinda angry with a friend, though i already forgave her
its really self explanatory though

“Escaping vendetta”

You murmured to the wind
Your secrets, the meaning of your soul
And watched it consume the pallid flame in your eyes
Like your rivers drowned in melancholy
And betrayal
--the smile on your lips has disappeared
Vendetta lies within

The tears from your eyes
Reflects the scorn you feel
Like a river in an unhampered flow
Full of voiceless stones
; desiring vendetta
In disdain of a friend’s duplicity
--the wind could no longer carry the ashes of your soul

Is there a graceful way escaping this?
Your rivers have dried up
Consuming itself in its own melancholy
Washing out the ashes of your soul
--your heart is full of voiceless stones
Surfacing betrayal, scorn and shattered amity
Failing to unearth
The crux of your vendetta

Again I ask
For a graceful way escaping this
-- Betrayal
-- Scorn
-- Vendetta

forever in silence

2008-08-06T07:09:00.000-07:00

I wrote this when me and my girlfriend had a fight

“Forever in silence”
By: Paolo Macariola

We could spend forever like this
In silence, in relapse
I don’t want to hear you say
What my character means
Like in some outdated fairytale

I would watch you
Not looking into your eyes
Feeling my core surrender
All the while knowing,
How you never understood my glances

Do you know what you mean?
Tell me, what do we mean anyway?
Or what will happen if rain falls upwards?
You really are everything
Even if time falls backwards

In some certain parts of meaning
Numb is defined as lack of feeling
Did you feel my warm breath?
I am soaked from the rain
Pouring from the deep well of my heart

Again must I ask?
If you wanted to spend forever like this.

Outsider

2008-06-01T00:23:00.000-07:00

everyone is near...
me, im surrounded
i can hear their voices
talking in fast whispers--
sometimes in a hush

are they talking about me?

everyone is near...
i can almost hear their breaths fragment
they do not know my name--
nor could they feel my shadow
they look at me

i could not look back

i suddenly find myself asking

why am i here?

Another tagalog entry

2008-05-28T05:20:00.000-07:00

about my ex... its very sad

"alaala sa unos"

kandilang nauupos ang magdamag
bago pa man bumuhos ang ulan
ramdam ko ang lamig na dala ng hangin
kumutan mo ako ng iyong mga ala ala

masarap isipin na mayakap kang muli
o mahawakan man lang ang iyong mga kamay
saksi ang mga anino ng kahapon
sa aking pangungulila

hindi ko nais na tumigil ang ulan
at masilip ang bahagharing pumipinta sa langit
maaalala ko lamang ang iyong ngiti
na nagtanim ng lungkot sa aking ulirat

Damp

2008-05-28T05:13:00.000-07:00

i wrote this for a girl who broke my heart... she was my ex but i know that she could never love me back

I can feel your memory
brush against the pale of my skin
the wind caresses my cheeks
it is late evening

Here no fire could give me warmth
no silence could give me comfort
tonight is an endless whisper
drowning in your memories

i heard the wind say
that you could never love me back
letting the wetness on my cheeks
flow into oblivion

Lost

2008-05-23T00:20:00.000-07:00

this is for one of my closest female friends.. she says she feels lost right now... (so do i)

out of sight
you were in this long corridor
like a fading star
you slowly disappear

i am feeling (or am i?)
a slow demise
i am empty
i am numbed

where would you go?
you stand still
here beside me
you are so far away

to some abyss
deep within your oceans mourning
i will find you
and carry you above the darkness

we are not lost
you found me
i found you

the ocean has stopped its mourning
tommorow will be better

On a saturday

2008-05-10T21:06:00.000-07:00

yesterday, (saturday) my girlfriend went to cambodia....
and i really got a bad feeling about it.
she went there for OJT and i miss her already....

"on a saturday"

you flew across the sky
parting clouds through dense air
diffusing smog and daylight along the way
and i wonder--
if you ever saw me look up?

if you tire yourself from flying too far
you can always rest atop some tall trees
to brush off frost from your wings-- or hair
but you can always come back
you will know where to find me
im mostly under the stars

sometimes i would like to ask the sky
i know it won't answer back
that's when i would look up
will you ever come back?

i will miss you.

Inupahang Kwarto

2008-04-02T02:20:00.001-07:00

I wrote this in filipino for my girlfriend this is about my room

Kung napapatigil ang oras sa bawat pagitan
ng pintig o sa sabay na pagtibok ng puso
ay dito ko iyon inabuso ng lubos
dito sa maliit naming mundo
sa aking inupahang kwarto

dito ko isinuko ang ilaw
na nagbibigay sakin ng paningin, ang paglisan nito
ang nabibigay sakin ng lakas na hagkan ang kanyang mga labi
at haplusin ang maliit niyang noo
gaano man kaingay ang katabing kalsada
na laging puno ng tao ay pipe itong maituturing
mula sa aming munting liko ng bahaghari.

dito ko isinantabi ang pagkahumaling sa sarili
makabisado lamang ang mga iba pang bahagi
ng kanyang pagkatao na hindi pa napapangalanan

dito ko kinalimutan ang musika
sa pagtitig ng matagal sa kanyang mga mata
habang nakikinig sa katahimikang umaawit
sa aming mga puso.
dito sa maliit naming mundo
sa aking inupahang kwarto

dito ko rin tinalikuran ang pagiging tao
upang maging isang bitwin na namamahinga sa mga ulap
habang ang hangin ay pinupunasan ang pawisan nang langit
dito ako ay bitwin at siya ang aking buwan
dito sa maliit naming mundo
sa aking inupahang kwarto

Pag-Ibig sa kalayuan

2008-04-02T02:15:00.000-07:00

This is about distance

Iniibig ko ang kalayuan
malayo sa mga matang mapanghusga
doon ay walang makakakita
kindi ang buwan at mga talang
binalot na ng kadiliman

Iniibig ko ang kalayuan
Kung san namumulaklak
ang mga maselang orkidya
tinutugtugan ng limot nang mga kanta
kung saan ang bawat gabi
ay kasing rahan ng umaga

Iniibig ko ang kalayuan
na maselan at marahan
habang naghihintay na masinagan
ng parola ang iyong ngiti
sa gilid ng dagat, mula sa aking pampang
iniibig ko ang kalayuan
kung san naroon ka.

A winter passage

2008-04-02T02:04:00.000-07:00

Quietly she came
Like a winter night
cold, bitten and beautiful
from her eyes i can see
how her persona was covered in ice,
her heart was drowned in frost --
she has lost the essence of her soul.

for me she was the horizon
that brought out the beauty in every dawn

Quietly she left
Leaving my passion to burn alone
leaving me in the comforting arms of the night
where i could only hear the discord in the wind
and see the emptiness in the shadows --
I have become numb from the cold

Winter Silently left
carrying along
the essence of my soul

A summer dream's haiku

2008-04-02T02:01:00.000-07:00

The salty ocean
vividly greets the sunset
slowly descending

Rusty is the sky
falling over the world's edge
down the horizon

In mumbling silence
the sky melts into the sea
silver atwirling

like a butterfly
the wind caresses my skin
lulling me to dream

Isolation booth

2008-04-02T01:54:00.000-07:00

This is for my girlfriend and our favorite place in the masscom lab

here you would close your eyes
as i would beam my heat at you
only to be extinguished by the cold stillness of this room

here we would lie with darkness above and darkness below
which makes me wonder: If there was nothing but the sky...
would you count the stars along with its vastness?
till all is born anew?

Here every whiper is an echo
Resounding truth and its nakedness: we are exiles unclaimed by the world
here we would exchange words in its bareness
as meaning is meaning itself

all is made clear
in the mirrorlike qualities of this room
; we are no different from each
I am the reflection of your soul

Ghost

2007-12-30T04:58:00.000-08:00

transparent
weightless

i am a ghost

let me see the empty of me
and hear my silence
seep down

Fireworks

2007-12-16T04:05:00.000-08:00

its still weeks before new year but i hear a lot of firecrackers and see a lot of fireworks

which makes me wonder if you can really see the excact same view all over again

i guess we cant

because sometimes it looks the same but its somehow different

though the difference may only be inches

its still different

and the clouds behind the colors can never be the same again

they move

like our lives clouds move without prediction

and like our lives fireworks are surprises

noisy

yet colorfull

The Coldest Christmas

2007-12-16T03:55:00.000-08:00

I think this must be my coldest christmas

Snow flakes
crystals
and ice

Sorrowfull
bitter
and cold

I shiver

Company
with solace
and nothing else

I shiver still

Yesterday
tommorow
christmas

I shiver more

Bayside

2007-12-16T03:29:00.000-08:00

its been a long time since i wrote on my blog
i dedicate this to a girl who broke my heart.

here he no longer waits for the sun to be swallowed by the seashore
where at night the sky is filled with the glitter that exposes his eyes to beauty.

here he used to lay on his back waiting for falling stars to rest at the bottom of the sea
until the sea is only held by the palm of his memory.

before he used to swim between the crevices of fantasy and reality
imagination, realism, void.

here is where here is no longer here but somehwere out there waiting
forever till it is no longer

here she will never come back.

he can never wait
he never will.

The Man who met Destiny

2007-04-07T22:21:00.000-07:00

This story is called destiny.. i worte this.. its about a man meeting destiny ^^
im not really good at writing stories so i made this short.. hope you like it hehe

one night as i was walking down the street
i came across a woman pale and mysterious
wearing something indescribable, but for sure it was black
she looked at me eye to eye
and said that her name was destiny
i laughed of course..
but she cut me off and said "would you like to know what the future holds for you?"
she paused then continued "i can show you what will happen tommorow, i can show you how and when you will die.. i can show you what many great men have died searching for...
i can show you your fate.. i can show you everything..."
now i knew she was telling the truth.
i now know that she can show me what is to become of me..
i know that she can give me insight to my destiny..
maybe even the power to change it..
to hold such power...
yet..
i said no
Destiny's face looked puzzled and said "but why not?"
"no... for i do not believe in destiny, i do not believe in fate, there are no ends....
only begginings, my destiny is my soul for i control all of me and if i were to be shown my destiny then it wont happen... therefore destiny doesnt exist, you dont exist!!"
with that said the woman who called herself destiny bowed her head and slowly walked... more like floating backward and for everytime i blink my eyes she fades more and more into the darkness
until destiny is no more.

Black flowers bloom

2007-04-04T01:32:00.000-07:00

though this poem was made impromptu

i still dont know where i got my inspiration for this

most of the time i write poems not knowing where i got my muse for it

hahaha. Here's my work:

black flowers bloom
seven days of june
the fragrance is nothing more
of what's left by nature's whore
when the light flows out of sight

the colors of the flowers shine allthrough the night

black flowers bloom

seven days of june

all's desire to join the flowers as they play

yet they are untouchable to those with sins to pay

for black as their petals may be

to the binds of man they have been forever free

Fall into the sky

2007-04-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

there are days when there are absolutely no clouds in the sky.. that you can feel that you could just fall right into it, i was just wondering what the feeling could be? if i could fall into the sky. but if i were given a chance to fall into it i would.. and if i were to fall into the sky, where will i land? in heaven?

my fairy tale

2007-04-03T20:08:00.000-07:00

I wrote this last night though im not really good at writing about love but at least i tried
hope some of you like it. hehehehe

can you be mine if only for tonight?
so through the clouds all my stars shine bright
can you share with me the warmth of your embrace?
so i can feel your heart and know its pace
can you tell stories for only me to know?
for your voice takes me places i wanna go
will you let me rest my head on your lap and sleep?
because i would like to know what might heaven be
will you pray with me for morning not to come?
so that tonights paradise would never be gone
for in the morning ill just close my eyes in this great pretend
not to open up again, never i want this fairy tale to end

The gallery

2007-04-03T03:50:00.000-07:00

alone in the gallery
there's nothing more other than my shadow beside me
in here the world is silent
where the past shines below the topaz crescent

alone in the gallery
my most troubling thoughts can't seem to haunt me
for in here all is at peace
frozen in time to be watched by the lesser beasts

alone in the gallery
i can set all my fears free
when in this patch of earth all is at rest
and for all thats here their sun has set